Have you ever thought to yourself, “I can’t actually do this”? Or, “People think I’m good enough, but if they only knew. It’s not that I’m qualified, I’ve just been lucky before and that’s why I appear successful.”
These are the lies that imposter syndrome tell us. And these lies keep us from taking that big step (like becoming a virtual assistant) and rob us of potential happiness (like the freedom of life a virtual assistant enjoys). But, once you recognize imposter syndrome in your life, you can work towards taking down that beast and living confidently as the treasure you are.
Putting a Name to the Monster
Isn’t it funny how just having a name for something instantly makes it less scary? Shout out to psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes, who came up with the term imposter syndrome in the 70s. At the time, Clance and Imes believed the feeling was a uniquely female experience. Of course, since then the psychological community realized men absolutely can feel imposter syndrome (but it is much more common in women than men).
Clance and Imes described it as that feeling of “phoniness in people who believe that they are not intelligent, capable or creative despite evidence of high achievement.”
This terrible sinking gut feeling is found in highly successful people who are motivated to achieve, but live in fear of being exposed as frauds.
Do you see the irony here? It’s those who should be the most confident that doubt themselves the most.
Imposter syndrome is often confused with a few other things, so let’s clear that up right now. Imposter syndrome is not humility (which is an accurate view saying your worth isn’t more than someone else). Imposter syndrome is a warped and false view of your “lack” of success and ability. You’re not failing to express your talents out of humbleness, but out of self-doubt. You believe your talents aren’t worth talking about (even though they are).
Imposter syndrome isn’t just being a realist (which involves a calculated hesitation to taking a chance by weighing the risks and benefits). Imposter syndrome is a paralyzing fear preventing you from acting, which undermines your own success because you’re convinced you can’t (even though you can).
Imposter syndrome rears its ugly head to keep you from being all you can be. It stops you from expressing initiative at work, pitching ideas, or even starting a new career. It’s like a bird who clips her own wings before she has a chance to fly because she’s falsely convinced she can’t.
Imposter Syndrome and Success
Remember, imposter syndrome occurs in highly successful people. Our brains have to reconcile the poor view of ourselves and our objective success, and it does so in two ways.
It tells us we just got lucky. It wasn’t our hard work, talent, and ambition that got us that success. We just happened to be at the right place at the right time (which, by the way, is why you shouldn’t take a chance now because your luck may run out).
Or, it tells us our success is overblown. Our hard work, talent, and ambition aren’t really that great. Other people make a way bigger deal than they should (and because of it, you should really feel like a fake and an imposter for believing you’re capable of achieving more).
Imposter syndrome is a terrible, agonizing feeling. And the worst part is we don’t (and shouldn’t) have to feel this way!
Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
Here’s the good news about imposter syndrome: you don’t have to live with it! It will take a bit of time and effort, but you can live a life free of imposter syndrome.
- Recognize you’re not alone. Please, take comfort in the fact that you’re not the only one struggling here. Heck, even famous people like Maya Angelou, Kate Winslet, and Tina Fey all vocalize to the media that they deal with imposter syndrome. You’re definitely not the only one feelings these feelings right now. And there are plenty of people who came before you, took on the beast, and came out the other side victorious.
Don’t try to fix it with success. Sometimes people think the way to overcome imposter syndrome is to pursue more accomplishments. But, the underlying root of imposter syndrome is not being able to accurately internalize your own success and abilities. Simply piling on more success won’t do anything to make imposter syndrome go away.- Stop telling people in your life what you think they want to hear. Part of imposter syndrome is feeling like a fake. When you give the answers to your boss, co-workers, family members, etc. that you think they want to hear, you just add to feelings of being a phony.
- Identify when you fall into the trap. If you start thinking imposter syndrome thoughts, take a moment to stop, recognize it, and then re-frame your perspective. Maybe you’re thinking “there’s no way I can become a virtual assistant. Who would hire me with my lack of experience? I know a business has so many people to choose from, and I simply can’t compete.” Take that thought and shift it to be more accurate, like “While I haven’t done a specific virtual assistant job before, I completed very similar work at my old job. I do have the writing and analytical skills needed to do this type of work. And with this course, I’m getting the job-specific information I need. I can do the work of a virtual assistant, and do it well.”
- Read through others’ experiences. It’s important to not fall into the “I’m the only one feeling this way trap”- it leaves us feeling powerless and stuck. Read books like “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg, which discusses common fears of women in the workplace. Or read these celebrity quotes on imposter syndrome.
- Physically write your success. Make a list that you can re-read when you’re experiencing imposter syndrome thoughts. Include not only your success, but what you did to achieve them in order to combat any “it was just luck” false thinking.
- Place yourself in positions of applying your expertise. By actively sharing and discussing what you know, you’ll be able to see that you know more than you give yourself credit for. Volunteer as a mentor to someone else in your industry (or even someone interested in your industry). Join industry-focused Facebook groups and answer questions and offer advice. You’ll quickly see that you know more than you realized.
- Reach out to loved ones. It’s scary, but it’s important to share with others what you’re going through so they can be a support system. Try to find people in your life who feel the same way. It’s therapeutic to talk with others who understand from experience how it feels. Get one or two cheerleaders who can talk down your negative self-talk with reminders of your capabilities and successes.
Imposter syndrome is a terrible thing to feel, but it can get better! Know that you are capable, you are smart, and you can do this!
Until next time,
Jessica